the graduate

People. Stop. Asking. How. It. Feels. To. Be. A. "Real Person."

It feels just like being a college student - only worse. All the same anxieties of a college student - plus some. The only thing... the only thing that's different, is that when I wake up in the morning, my bed isn't above the bed of one of my closest friends. Two amazing men aren't in the room next door. My floor isn't filled will beloved friends. In fact... it's just me. Or will be soon enough (for now, I have my family).

Naw, being a "real person" is really just lonely.

It's not empowering. It's not "life changing." It's a big letdown, and it's a little depressing.

It's like this horrible state of limbo. I do know what's next, but it just seems far away. Or intangible. It's just a lot of time to question everything. Can I really do ministry? Is it really what I'm supposed to do?

All the encouragement in the world doesn't help, either. It's just something I need to move forward into - it's something that just needs to happen. SOON! (Luckily, it starts tomorrow) Waiting is the worst part of limbo.

And, on a bit of a tangent, I now know why people get married. Part of it is, of course, that you find that person that you can't imagine being without: you fall in love, and just want to spend every minute of every day with that person. It's wonderful.

But there's this other, huge, vacuous reason I never realized. It's so you have a friend. A person who knows you, who you know, who's always there, and who wants to help you out. It's to have a great roommate - a bff - a pal. It's so that when you need something, or like something, or something happens, or whatever!... that person is there to share with.

And I find myself wanting that, more and more. The love stuff... wonderful. Amazing. But it seems so far off, and intangible. I can get by without it. But the roommate? The best friend? The person who knows what's going on, how I feel, and is always there when I need her? Yeah. I need that.

So pray for me!