Ugh. I've been thinking a lot recently about the move I assume I'll eventually make - that from single life to married life. The thoughts aren't precisely a product of my own mental progressions... more and more they're being forced on me by those who expect marriage is a priority for me at this point in my life.
As I reflect on marriage, God has opened my eyes to the truth's found in I Cor 7, in Paul's discourse about the interests of those married and those unmarried. I've been thinking a lot of my passions recently, and Paul has been speaking to my heart.
It's been a long while since I last dated, and the process has been a long one by which I've finally set my heart up as content and satisfied in my singleness. But the Lord created us to pour our love - the love given to us by the Lord - into someone. I've found, as I've reflected on my own heart, that I can't imagine pouring love into someone the way I expect I will be allowed to once I'm married. For a long while, I thought that was simply because I hadn't experienced the whole, "in love" thing for a time.
But as I've reflected on Paul's words, I've realized it's because I've poured my heart into the Lord's work in a way which I wouldn't have been able to do if my heart had been given to someone else. I desperately love my ministry and the work to which God has called me, and I spend my days wondering and praying and dreaming and planning and absolutely loving. I'm married to my work, and I think that's alright.
And I'm beginning to find that I can't imagine myself pouring into a fiance or wife in the way I know I'll have the pleasure of doing so not because I'm, "out of practice," but rather because I'm already pouring into something - the Lord's work - with that same passion.
And what a pleasure it is to do so! I'm not looking for a wife, or a girlfriend, because I'm so passionately pursuing God's plans for His ministry here in Merrill. At some point, I hope and pray that He will call me to a lady who will encourage me and help me grow and love my ministry with passion... but until that day, I'm pouring into OTTS and into HYPE.
And I'm doing it without worry or without guilt.
2 comments:
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Even though I'm still in college, I still feel immense societal pressure to be in a relationship. It's tough when singleness is viewed as a curse, even (especially?) in the church. Thanks for articulating so clearly that it's actually a blessing and some of us are happy this way!
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