slowing down

I'm finding that Thursday's tend to be incredibly chill for me. I come in on Monday with a ton to do, and go at it full bore. Twelve hour days are normal on Monday. Tuesday's are always worrisome because I'm trying to get the prep for Wednesday done, although I know I'll never finish it before Wednesday afternoon. Wednesday is just a mess trying to get everything put together before HYPE, and by the time the calendar actually turns to Thursday, I'm just impressed that everything ended up getting pulled off. I tend to spend a lot of time reminiscing and just relaxing, mulling through the things I should be doing, making lists and dreaming of the incredible directions God can be taking this multi-faceted ministry.

Thursday's are turning into one of those mental-health days; take time, relax and dream. I've read the Google gives some of its employees almost a 1/3 of their paid time as "dreaming hours" - just moments to think and imagine and wonder, "what if?" I love that phrase. I think it's such a temptation to get wrapped up in the "what now?" that we forget the, "what if?" There's infinite direction for growth and improvement and tweaking and overhauling - we should never allow our processes to grow stagnate.

I nuance these thoughts slightly with the knowledge that this ministry is so God's ministry alone, and I'm not going to take it in any direction that he doesn't desire. But isn't it such a joy to know we serve such a creative and adventurous God? He's bigger than any plan that I could ever dream of, and so let's dream and see what he will accomplish!

It's funny though. As my mind plods through the many directions this future could take during my years here, I keep thinking back to the past years.

Facebook is always a constant distractor throughout my work day, and I've found myself flipping through so many pictures of my time in youth group - back in those days of high school and middle school.

It feels like so long ago... but the memories are still there. And really, those memories are so sweet to me. Literally sweet. If I compared them to anything, I would compare them to those dip-n-stick candies which dissolve in your mouth... a ton of joy, but nothing that's going to last. I miss those days - the carefree days of SPASH, where my biggest worries were the Macro Econ quiz on Friday and my baritone solo at the concert. Those days that I'd meet up with friends in the halls after school and dream about where we'd be in the future - a future that seemed so far away.

There are times I'd give a lot to go back to those memories. Sure, there were stresses and worries. There was always that drama, and always those uncertainties that comes with high school. But my days were filled with the most beautiful balance between the worthwhile and the lasting, the frivolous and the fun. Ha - driving my Saab. Oh the past!

I can't go back to those days. I can't go back to the past years of college, which were... they weren't sweet. How would I describe those days? They certainly didn't dissolve... they were so heavy. V8 juice. Healthy - they helped me grow so much. But they were deep and thick and so much more substantive. I can't return to those days. They're gone.

I wonder how I'll look back on these days? They're disappearing so quickly - I can't believe I've been in youth ministry for 5 months! Sooner than later, I'll be looking back on these days.

I hope I'll always find time to look back on the past and smile - to look back and see God's gracious fingers tracing goodness through my life. There's just such a joy in slowing down and remembering the good God has worked.

I think I'm growing to love Thursdays.