settling in?

I'm still working hard on settling in here in Youth Ministry. The transition from school to work is such an odd one, and the hard parts weren't expected.

One of the hardest parts to sort through in my mind is the unending nature of this ministry! Sure, I have little deadlines I can look toward, like HYPE every Wednesday, or Camp in a few weeks, or Lifest on Friday. All of these have things due, and when all are done, a little stress evaporates. But Ministry still plows on. After I finish prepping for and teaching at HYPE on Wednesday, well, I've got it again next Wednesday. Right back to the drawing board. After camp in a few weeks (there's a huge deadline - 12 25 minute talks! Prep like mad...) I can start looking forward to a fall retreat, or to one of another dozen quick outings we should be doing.

School was different. There were deadlines, but each one was significantly different, each one seemed a lot less important than these (my GPA, or my student's eternal salvation?) and each one eventually ended for good on the last day of the semester. It's just a different ball game.

The longevity of ministry is killing me too. Events take so long to plan or prep for, and life change is something that just takes time. It's hard not to judge effectiveness by immediate results. I like change... I like fixing things. It's hard for me to patiently wait for the Lord to move, and to surrender the effectiveness of this ministry to Him.

I'm continually struck by the chorus to Mat Kearney's song, In the Middle:

No parachutes or safety nets here
One foot in the water to face these fears
I'm coming out strong like I can't be wrong
I said hey, I won't fall in the middle

It's how I'm trying to live.